Why do I wake up panicked? I woke up this morning, as I do most mornings, and I felt afraid. I felt like a confused hopeless wreck. I also felt like I was immediately going to fail at whatever endeavor I attempted. How said is that? How depressing it is to wake up from sleeping feeling like an extraordinary loser.
I am going to fail, fail, FAIL! That is what I keep hearing. My mother asked me to go to her house today to pay her rent. I woke up today and looked online to see which banks were open and I can say that many are not because it is a holiday. I was toying with the idea of paying with a check or money order in order to have receipt that my mother's landlord received his payment. Of course, I would go and try to get money out of her account first. Once the money is in hand, then I would write the check. This would not go differently. But then, I got to thinking that there will be no currency exchanges or banks open in order to draft a money order. I also considered dropping the money into my cousin's account and she going to her bank, withdrawing the funds and paying the rent. Problem is, the many banks are closed and the transaction would fail to post to her account today anyway. So of course, I attributed this to my failure to come up with a suitable solution. Mind you, it is snowing and will be snowing all day. I really do not want to drive all the way to the south side of Chicago in this damn snow! Why would anyone want to. Problem is, my mother has been in the hospital for quite some time and has not paid her rent. Paying her rent has always been an issue so this is nothing new. Her landlord was sending threatening messages, as usual. It is annoying to see. I know she is not well, but this habit of her deprioritizing her rent is deeply ingrained in her. "Oh they will get it when they get it," has pretty much been her mode of thinking. I want to try to be responsible on her behalf and try to get her the payment to "Dude" today. However, I am not coming up with any better solutions other than driving all the way the hell over there and putting the funds in his mailbox. That is highly annoying and especially frustrating given the inclement weather.
Am I whining? Maybe. At least I have a car, right? I don't have to get on the bus in the snow and cold to get over there. I am really reaching to try to find a silver lining here. It is hard. However, the fact that I have a car is an incredible start. My car is working and has heat. Both good things. Oh, I wonder how much it will cost to send the money through Money Graham. Probably a fucking arm, leg and functioning kidney. I am still brainstorming because I seriously do not want to drive all the way over there.
Until Next time.
A.P.
I am going to fail, fail, FAIL! That is what I keep hearing. My mother asked me to go to her house today to pay her rent. I woke up today and looked online to see which banks were open and I can say that many are not because it is a holiday. I was toying with the idea of paying with a check or money order in order to have receipt that my mother's landlord received his payment. Of course, I would go and try to get money out of her account first. Once the money is in hand, then I would write the check. This would not go differently. But then, I got to thinking that there will be no currency exchanges or banks open in order to draft a money order. I also considered dropping the money into my cousin's account and she going to her bank, withdrawing the funds and paying the rent. Problem is, the many banks are closed and the transaction would fail to post to her account today anyway. So of course, I attributed this to my failure to come up with a suitable solution. Mind you, it is snowing and will be snowing all day. I really do not want to drive all the way to the south side of Chicago in this damn snow! Why would anyone want to. Problem is, my mother has been in the hospital for quite some time and has not paid her rent. Paying her rent has always been an issue so this is nothing new. Her landlord was sending threatening messages, as usual. It is annoying to see. I know she is not well, but this habit of her deprioritizing her rent is deeply ingrained in her. "Oh they will get it when they get it," has pretty much been her mode of thinking. I want to try to be responsible on her behalf and try to get her the payment to "Dude" today. However, I am not coming up with any better solutions other than driving all the way the hell over there and putting the funds in his mailbox. That is highly annoying and especially frustrating given the inclement weather.
Am I whining? Maybe. At least I have a car, right? I don't have to get on the bus in the snow and cold to get over there. I am really reaching to try to find a silver lining here. It is hard. However, the fact that I have a car is an incredible start. My car is working and has heat. Both good things. Oh, I wonder how much it will cost to send the money through Money Graham. Probably a fucking arm, leg and functioning kidney. I am still brainstorming because I seriously do not want to drive all the way over there.
Until Next time.
A.P.
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